The Guard Dog That Wasn't

Why living in the country is awesome:

• Lots of space
• Lots of stars
• Lots of peace and quiet

Why living in the country isn't awesome:

• Weird noises scare me
• The dark scares me
• Being home alone scares me

Brady thinks it's funny when I act like a scared little 2-year-old. Which is why I think it's funny when Brady acts like a scared little 2-year-old. Although he would never admit it.

One night in particular, Brady went out back to put Massey up for the night. She never barks. It's one of the reasons we choose to claim her. Except this night, she started barking at something in the dark.

Our wannabe guard dog playing dead as part of her attack method

Playing innocent is also part of her game

Protecting Brady from big bad monsters

If you haven't ever lived in the country, or haven't lived in the country in a while, you may not realize that when I say dark, I mean pitch black. No moonlight. No street lights. No stars. So now we all agree why this can be scary.

As soon as Massey started barking, Brady claims he heard a thundering noise.

Thud. Thump. Thud. Thump. Thud. Thump.

Are you scared yet? Well you should be.

Massey ran out in front of Brady into the dark, when all of a sudden, she came hauling ass back past him.

Guard dog reporting for duty, sir

Don't make me come over there and lick you to death

 The thundering noise got closer.

Thud. Thump. Thud. Thump. Thud. Thump.

Brady is now running after our dog. Our supposedly guard dog. Our dog who is supposed to protect us and scare big bad monsters away. Yep, she tucked her tail between her legs and ran as fast as she could back into her pen. And Brady was right behind her.

I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey

See what I did to this Frisbee? Don't tempt me.

As soon as Brady shuts himself and the wannabe guard dog in the pen, a huge horse runs past. A dang horse. It wasn't a big bad monster. Just a horse.

This would have made more sense if we had owned a horse. But we didn't.

If a neighbor's horse decides the grass is greener on the other side, do you get to keep the horse? We couldn't find any laws pertaining to roaming horses. So, Brady delivered the horse back to our neighbors. Brady walking as calmly as he can while the horse chases him the whole way. Sometimes Brady having to run around in circles to keep the horse from running him over.

I think the horse thought this was fun.

Anyway, the horse found his hole in the fence and reluctantly went back home. Back home where the grass isn't always greener. And there are no wannabe guard dogs to pester. Or 24-year-old boys to scare. Cause I wasn't scared. But Brady was. His pounding heart and wide eyes told me so.

448 words.