Friday Ku-Tip: Only in Texas

This is not OSR, but it's the only road picture I had. Forgive me and just enjoy it.

Only in Texas will they lower the speed limit of a rural road just because drivers aren't driving fast enough.

Not because of children at play. Or too many cows crossing the road. Or for parades.

Apparently, I must be the only driver on OSR that drives over 60 when the posted speed limit is 70.

But now, we all have to drive 60.

Thanks slow drivers. You are my heroes.

Ku-Tip: In kindergarten we learned to follow directions. Adults should follow directions too. It makes life simpler.

88 words.

Seriously

I called Kendra last night because I needed a huge favor. In the middle of our conversation, I hear a small little boy yell out at the top of his lungs, "YEAAAA!"

"What's he cheering for?" I asked.

"The State of the Union address is on," Kendra said.

"Why's he cheering for the State of the Union address?" I ask very confused.

"I don't know. Because he's weird."

Oh, politics through the eyes of a 2 year old.

But what would you expect from a kid that thinks that each time his Uncle Brady runs off the road and hits the shoulder bumps, it's a motorcycle.

And he yells out each time without hesitation "Motorcycle!"

Maybe he'll be a motorcycle-riding politician one day. Now wouldn't that just make his mommy and daddy proud.

133 words.

Friday Ku-Tip: The magic tool

Summer 2009 was our last time in Colorado.

And I will always remember it for one very amusing reason.

Our truck would not start when it was time to leave.

Picture our Tundra loaded down with four people, two dogs, two bikes and enough crap to require a cargo net and straps to keep it from spilling out of the truck. Yeah, we were rockin' it.

And we could not figure out why our truck wouldn't start.

Dustin laughed and claimed it was because our truck couldn't handle the cold weather.

I blamed it on bad timing.

But every time we started to get worried, Brady would run and get his dad and it would start up just fine. So much for deciding not to misbehave when Mr. Fix It was watching.

So we pull out of Dustin's driveway and begin the long trip home. Next stop. Walsenburg. To stretch our legs and eat lunch in the park.

We drop Daniel, Jean Ann and the two puppies off at the park and drive to the convenience store to buy a bag of chips. And we turned off the truck. Not a good idea.

Apparently, it decided not to start up again. And the rest of our crew were eight blocks away without their cell phones.

So Brady and I start walking down the road in this unknown town to the park to tell them the bad news, and then four people and two dogs walk back the eight blocks to our finicky truck. I go inside to use the bathroom and am interrupted in line to "Hurry up and leave while it's working." Apparently, the truck started right up once Daniel and Jean Ann showed up.

So we jump back in the truck and get on the road with empty stomachs. And Daniel decides to read the owner's manual for fun.

Chapter 1: If your truck does not start, don't freak out. Check your anti-theft device and make sure the batteries aren't dead. If they are, just click the button and your truck will start. Duh!

Wow, whoever wrote this owner's manual was a genius. Apparently Brady's anti-theft device was low on batteries. But Daniel's wasn't. Which is why the truck always started for him as long as he was within 15 feet of our truck.

And we all commented on how cool Daniel was to have "the" magic tool in his pocket.

Ku-Tip: Always keep a magic tool in your pocket for a rainy day. You never know when you will have to use it. Or rely on your father-in-law for his.

426 words.

Blackmail From the Old School Vault: Vol. 2

This picture was taken in 2006 at Miss Katelyn's graduation party. Whoop! What is wrong with this picture? Absolutely nothing. It is priceless. And reminds me of college. And Mexico. And the Corona Club. Oh, how I miss all these girls. And Acuña.

And, Anna, don't worry. It is not Katelyn's mom behind the camera. It is Brady. That is why you look so excited to see him.

68 words.

Friday Ku-Tip: If I had only known

If I had only known that I would be pregnant at this very moment, there’s a few things I would not have done.

• Bought mules. They buck me off and like to eat a lot.
• Bought a tractor. It doesn’t buck me off but it came with a nice monthly payment.
• Bought the new mower. I’m too uncoordinated to even drive it. And it wasn’t free either.

Are you seeing a pattern here?

• Bought my awesome pair of skinny jeans. No, they were not on sale and I maybe got three months wear out of them.
• Mentally prepared to run the Dallas Rock N’ Roll half marathon in March. Not gonna happen. Brady is glad it’s not gonna happen. I think he got me pregnant just so he wouldn’t have to run this race.
• Promised the in-laws we’d go to Colorado this summer. I’ll be 8 months pregnant. My insurance is only good in BCS. Not going out of the state, let alone the area.
• Finally discovered my most favorite wine. I’ll see you in nine months.

So, with all that said, there will be a Lazy K Estate Sale coming soon. We will be selling all of our goodies for double what we paid for them. I’m just joking. Triple.

Ku-Tip: Apparently babies are expensive. But don't tell that to our ranch, because if we don't buy things for it, it gets its feelings hurt. 

243 words.

Shotgun!

Did I ever tell you that my dog also has FOMO? Did you forget what that is? That's okay — here's a quick reminder.

This is how we spent our days off during the Christmas break.

Me driving the tractor since it is probably not safe for a pregnant lady to fall out of the bucket.

Brady riding in the bucket because it's okay if he falls out.

And, Massey? Yes, Massey has to ride in the bucket with Brady. She loves it. And she can't stand to be more than 12 inches away from us at any one time.

I think she was so excited to jump in the bucket that she loaded up before I even had time to lower the bucket all the way to the ground.

Silly puppy. Buckets are for humans. And their pets apparently.

139 words.

Friday Ku-Tip: How to catch a calf

If you haven't caught on already, we do things a little differently here at Lazy K. Like, how we round up our crazy bovine.

So, my advice to you on this Friday is to tell you how to properly catch an animal. In this case, how to properly catch a Doodle.

1. Find your new rope that you got for Christmas
2. Make a nice, big loop
3. Hold the rope over your shoulder and don't use it
4. Go find Doodle and tell her to follow you
5. Doodle will follow you

The calf is now properly caught.

Ku-Tip: If you train your animals correctly, you won't have any use for ropes, pens, halters or horses. Of course, this means your animal is now considered a pet, and everyone will make fun of you.

135 words.

Sisters Say the Darndest Things: Vol. 1

Sisters. Can't live with them. Can't live without them.

And, my own sister is of a rare breed. You see, she couldn't even brush her teeth when we were younger without asking for my help or advice. But, now that we're grown, I find that I go to her more and more for help. Like, how to have, care for and keep babies alive — she is on baby number two, so she must be doing something right. Right?

But what I love most about my sister is that she says the darndest things. Either really cute things that make you go, "Ah, you're so cute when you say that." Or really dumb things that make you slap your forehead. Or, better yet, really dirty things that make you accidentally spit water out of your nose.

And, yesterday was no different. We met up for a quick Chinese-food lunch. And, when two pregnant ladies get together to eat, you have four eyes, not just two, that are bigger than stomachs. So, we did what we thought made sense and ordered two appetizers with our meals.

Spring rolls to be exact. And, poor Kendra had never had a spring roll because according to her, "I don't eat that sushi shit."

I explained that spring rolls were like egg rolls, only they weren't fried.

"Sure," she said. "I'll try it."

So the spring rolls arrive and she gets this awful, nasty, disgusting look on her face. She picks the spring roll up with two fingers and stares at it.

"What the hell is this? I thought you said it was an egg roll!"

Apparently she had already forgotten I said it was NOT like an egg roll.

She takes a small bite. Like, a little nibble.

"This is disgusting. I can't do it. It looks like freakin' lettuce wrapped in a condom."

Yep, that's what she said. At a restaurant. In a loud voice.

And then I couldn't eat the spring rolls anymore.

330 words.

The Ultimate Shenanigan

Yes, I have unintentionally neglected this blog. Hush it friends. I've been feeling like crap. But, I'm slowly starting to feel like myself again, and I promise not to let you all down anymore. I will not only keep posting weekly, but I promise to still tell of our Lazy K shenanigans with the same humor and poise that I have been using all along. Even if our lives are about to change forever.

You see, about 12 weeks ago, Brady snuck into my personal space.

The result. A little baby is on the way.

Bad Brady. How dare you take advantage of me?

How dare you give me an excuse to eat whatever I want and put on weight and you still love me?

And thanks for making sure it will be a nice 150 degrees outside when the baby will make it’s debut.

You’re such an awesome husband. And dad.

Hey, that has a nice ring to it.

And as long as it has your beautifully long eyelashes and my itty-bitty teeny-weeny peanut head, this whole labor thing may just be a breeze. And, it will come out lookin’ pretty cute too.

So, thank you for helping us both become parents. And, thank you Kendra for being so hard to surprise with the news.

Only my sister would unwrap a p-test that read “pregnant” on it and think it was a stick reaffirming that she was already pregnant. It took a few minutes for her to realize the stick was referring to me.

And, it took less than 20 seconds for Pryce to put the p-test in his mouth. Don’t worry. The cap was still on. What kind of family do you think we are?

Proof that he does put almost anything in his mouth, like my toothbrush.

See Kendra. If Pryce keeps that habit up, he may really have a baby in his belly.

304 words.